On the driveway under the Hunter's Moon
Hey extraordinary humans and Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night, my mom saw the full moon from our vantage point in Saskatchewan and thought it was the best moon she had ever seen. It inspired my husband to pull out the telescope and call our boys outside.
Andy set it up on the hood of our old Nissan Altima, compensating for the curve in the hood by shoving our son's unofficial minecraft zombie novel under one wobbly tripod leg.
I looked through the telescope too - yeah, the moon was cool - but it was the scene that made me stop. The moon just a shiny catalyst creating the moment.
And as I looked on at them, I was filled with life's richness and the sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Not giving a fuck about yesterday or tomorrow. Nor about proving or improving. No thoughts of my To Do list. No ambition. Just thankful to have my feet planted on this ground, witness to the moment.
My boys, so still, waiting for their turn to look through the glass, when ordinarily they would be wreaking havoc all over the driveway. My husband, who took the time to make a memory with them, even though they've been shredding his patience all weekend. My mother who wanted to make sure we didn't miss the best moon of her life. Our boys grandparents, who filled our tummies with a Thanksgiving meal, and my brother who came to eat too, even though he keeps his own company most of the time.
The only thing that matters is showing up to the experiences of life, perfectly imperfect exactly as you are. Worthy of love and belonging.
And I was struck with a deep knowing that there is truly no rush to do anything at all. Life will re-calibrate like a Google map when you miss a turn. The only thing that matters is showing up to the experiences of life, perfectly imperfect exactly as you are. Worthy of love and belonging.
Although this moment dropped into my life without preamble, gratitude does not always come so easy. It takes work to uncover it. Especially when you are struggling. And if you can't feel it today, that's okay. The search for it is as important as the destination.
In 2019, our now 7-year-old had a life-threatening spinal abscess that was compressing his spinal cord from his tailbone to his skull. He stopped walking and repeated, "my tummy hurts," endlessly. We were worried sick, hovering over his gurney, trying anything to help him feel better.
Looking back, we should have known it was something really bad when the anesthetist ported his hospital bed personally from the CT scan to his room after they spotted the abscess in radiology. Not even an hour later our boy was in an air ambulance on the way to a surgeon who could help him.
Days later, when we knew he would walk again, we reflected on whether those were the worst days of our life, or the best. It was a terrible trauma, but how lucky were we to have come through unscathed? Our boy was going to be okay. And there was nothing else worth worrying about.
Even when gratitude is hard, it's worth the effort for the clarity it brings to each of us. The knowing of what is important and what merely seems important. Can you find a glimmer of something that makes you feel good and brave and precious? Lighting up your night sky so that you can know yourself again.
This month's full moon is known as the Hunter's Moon, appearing orange-hued and low in the sky. We owe the brilliant colour to the effect of looking at the moon through the Earth's atmosphere. It symbolizes the potential for intense, healing change. To engage in something new or clear the air of an unresolved issue. To do this with gratitude. Not for the trappings of this life, but for the value you alone bring to each moment.
Now repeat after me: I am enough. I am worthy. I am loved.